Have to start a new...

Didn't realize how long its been since my last post. I still don't know how to set this up as I really want it to be. I hope to be writing more happy thoughts and interesting things as my friends do on theirs.

Some Happy things to say so far is that I look forward to this year unlike any year before. Jaime's two sisters are pregnant, one is due in about three months, the other is due in October. My brother is getting married the second week in April, and one of my good friends, my "roll dog" as we used to call each other is getting married in October and I'm a bridesmaid!!

Some newly family drama may have begun once again and I just hope that my brother's day is not ruined by any of it. He doesn't know as of yet what may be brewing but I hope nothing ruins his day. Please don't ever let money come between family. This is the second time this has happened and it really sucks because I look up to my uncles and for them to say and do what they have, is very disappointing. But that's all the negative I will say for today. Maybe I should erase my old posts and start anew. I don't remember all that I've written, but I know some were about my past and I'm trying to move from that. What I can say is that he tried to ruin things again but I did not let him this time. I'm going to ignore it and deal with things as they come. M

My babe will be graduating this year and applying for law enforcement type jobs and I wish him all the luck. We really would like to move out together and start our family. Of course, get married before family starting, but I'm anxious and excited for this year and those to follow!

update

i have soooooo much going on in my  head. so much that i wanted to write since the last time, but i didn't and don't know why so now i am trying to remember everything. I have soo much to do for school and things not for school. this weekend is going to be crazy: Friday going to watch New Moon with my girl Caro and friends, Saturday Alina has a game in the morning then have to make it to a funeral, then to Alina's end of the season party, and a graduation. Sunday taking Alina to see New Moon, watching the game, Meeting with Gloria at her finale for the three day breast cancer walk. Gotta fit in homework somehow!!!

Had an interesting session today with alina and her therapist. the game and questions involved. I would love to play again with her. wish she wasn't so quite or shy to talk about things. I want to know what is going on in that lil head of hers. I worry about her, about the future, and her future relationship with her dad. I told myself I would try to get them to have a relationship again, if not with him then his family. For the first time she told me that she wanted to go with her dad when she was mad at me. I don't know how to take that still. Where did things go so wrong. He was right that I would end up in this behavior problem. I want to end the year on a good note as well as start it on a good note. we will see what happens.

the phone call

got a call from the ex today. it's gotten me all confused and thinking about things that I shouldn't be thinking about because I have a Midterm tonight!!

he starts off by asking when court is/was. told him he missed it. he said he thought it was this week, that he was out of town and went only because he thought it was this week. I told him that they would be taking papers to his work because he missed court again. Things were heated for awhile, but then they calmed down. I listened to him talk for about a half an hour. In my head I was talkin smack, rolling my eyes, but also listening. I told him to mail me the proof he says he has that he's been going to counseling, we'll see if he does. He asked again if it was possible if me, our daughter, and him could meet so that he could see and talk to her and ask her what she thought about visitation. There are court orders that visitation is supposed be through supervision for the the first three months or twelve visits. The last time I tried to do things on my own despite the court orders, things didn't go well and he kept admitting that it was his fault that it didn't work because he was focusing on our relationship rather than his and his daughters. I know he loves her and misses her. I know he has issues that he doesn't want to spread down to her. Part of me at the moment feels sorry for him, the other part is still angry and doesn't want to care how he feels.

I don't know what to do. I know it's my decision, but having to deal with my parents and my boyfriend is going to be crazy if I decide to have the meeting.

thank you to my friends

I just have to say that I am thankful for the friends that I have. Whether I'm older or younger than them there is no difference in the way they treat me or I treat them. I don't know how I could've let some get distant or 'disappear' in the past, but I will not let that happen again. So thank you to my friends, to those who are there for me in some way, who gave me some kind of advice whether big or small, Thank You.

Friends are family.

greetings

Hello. Don't even know if I'll invite followers or even have followers, but just a lil intro.

I decided to start this blog account because I needed a way to let things out. I wanted a place to vent about happy stuff and sad/emotional stuff. My brother and soon to be sister-in-law have blog accounts, but it's been awhile since they've written on them. Lately I started to read a friend of mine's and decided to stop putting it of.

As you will have read in my other post Child Support, I have drama in my past, and although it's been four years, I'm still trying to get past things, and deal with things. I need to see a shrink really, haha. But until I do I wanted a place to share and vent. Thanks in advance if you decide to read and comment. I promise I'll post happy stuff :)

Child Support

Went to court today to hopefully, get things finally settled, but yet again they had to reschedule because although I knew my ex knew about the date, they didn't have proof he knew about it just like the first time in September. I went there for the first time without my mother, a family member. My good friend Sarah offered her support and met me there until she had to go to work. He didn't show up so I was fine when she left.

My family doesn't see why I am asking for the money. Texts I got today: " please drop it, do you have any idea how many people ur affecting with this? Why do you want him in her life, ur giving him a way in. stop trying" "we have been by your side since the beginning, protecting u and alina has been my priority. u r not alone, his money is not what u need" "u just want him to accept responisibility..it doesn't work that way.. its in the past, bury it n move on"

In Response to the messages, It's not so easy to pretend that he's not her dad. She's going to therapy regarding the actions that she was witness of. She's going to speak of him. Although he offered out of court to pay, i'm still going to take him up on it, he knows about it, if he's not going to man up to see her he can at least start taking some other kind of responsibility. I so appreciate all the support I, we have been given, but if her mother can't support her, her dad should be able to. the extra money can be saved, do they think I like asking for money, i hate it and hope to repay it all someday, but until I can find a job, what's so wrong with wanting some extra money, especially if i get remarks when I do ask for it sometimes. he should have been paying this whole time, there's no time limit on when i can ask him to do it. How's him paying for his responsibility allowing him a way in, when I know he won't go away, when we all know he's unpredictable and to think that he's going to go away is ridiculous. I'm not going to allow him to see her unless its what the court said, there's no way he's getting in.

Throughout the years since '05 he has talked soo much shit and made so many threats, hasn't made action on them, at least not the last two years. But because of his behavior and not knowing what he will do, my family thinks that he's just going to disappear and move on if i don't ask for it. He won't, as long as he can't see his daughter he will stick around. Regardless if I asked for child support, He will still sneak up somehow.

He hasn't seen her since early 2007, all together for three years. He doesn't like people telling what to do. Doesn't see that the court ordered classes and Supervised Visitation is for her benefit. He would only have to do supervised through agency for three months or so then his parents would have to be there for another three, and if therapist agrees to no more supervision then he could see her alone, but he's not willing to do it. I'm not going to give in like I did the first time because though he may have changed a little bit he's not fully changed in the areas that matter the most.